Week 3

Monday’s barreling down on us like Barak Obama in the primaries and there’s nothing to do except squeeze the last drops out of Sunday afternoon before it’s back to a desk full of unfinished business and an inbox full of unwanted emails; except for this week’s scintillating review of news from around the world.

The best of the week is a story about a car that runs on compressed air. And yes, it actually works. I’m all for it. I live in a city where ten million cars start up every morning and belch out a mixture of smog and smoke and carbon monoxide, and yes, I dream of a future where I can see the horizon through the blue smoke that smothers this city.

The worst of the week is that experts – those random people the news networks call when they need a sound bite – predict that the US is sliding inexorably down the slippery slope into a serious economic depression. No more euphemisms like ‘downturn’, or ‘correction’. It’s bad. Get your money out quick and throw it into China whose trade surplus for January was a whopping 22 billion dollars. The US trade deficit, in contrast, was a terrifying 58.8 billion dollars. I’m no economist, but I can do some math. If I’m spending 58 billion dollars more than I’m earning, I’m going to land somewhere nasty, sometime soon.

But it’s not all rosy in the land of the long stone wall. Where does all that money come from? It’s like that guy who lives down on the corner and who never works, but somehow has the best clothes, drives the most expensive car, and always buys everything cash. You know he’s not kosher. One of the places China buys its oil is Sudan. The oil’s cheap. Beijing pays in AK47s and nice roads in the north and east of the country. But at what cost? Human rights groups want China to use its influence to force Sudan to resolve the crisis in Darfur. Even the 'right honorable' Steven Spielberg resigned his post as artistic adviser for the Beijing Olympics in protest. “Hell no,” say the Chinese. “We want our cheap oil. Do not meddle in the affairs of the sovereign state of China.” It’s a bitch dealing with an errant superpower, especially if it isn’t us anymore.

While on the subject of death and suffering, Israel released its latest grades. In ‘Air Strikes 101’ it scored 75%. The most recent air strike killed 4 people. 3 were militants. Sorry about the other guy, though. Wrong place. Wrong time. An unfortunate casualty of war. Still, 3 out of 4 aint bad. The sixteen wounded don’t count. They’re kinda like bonus questions on a pop quiz. But I don’t mean to be flippant.

There is always Afghanistan where photographer Tim Hetherington won the 2007 World Press Photo Award. Remember mission accomplished? Democratic elections? A brave new world? But out there in the Hindu Kush Mountains it’s very messy, and they still haven’t got the 27 million dollar man, Osama Bin Laden.

But they got the next best thing. An explosion in Beirut killed Imad Mughniyeh, one of Hezbollah’s top leaders and the man responsible for killing more Americans than anyone except Osama. Surprisingly enough, the US had nothing to do with his death. US intelligence chief, Mike McConnel, said that it was probably rival Hezbollah groups, or maybe Syria, that got him. We believe him, of course, although he didn’t elaborate on what their motives might be. Hezbollah blames Israel. But who would believe Hezbollah. They blame Israel for everything, right?

And just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, when the world couldn’t get any worse, Zimbabwe announces a world first: inflation of 66 000% And that’s the official rate. Unofficial rates are double that amount. Cue some more amateur economics: That’s a monthly inflation rate of around 5500%, which means a daily inflation rate of about 180%, which means a 1-dollar loaf of bread today will cost around 3 dollars tomorrow. By the end of the week you’ll need to pay in installments.

And I leave you with an interesting human rights dilemma. Health officials on Mud Island intend to impose a smoking license on the general populace. Yes, if you are a slave to your nicotine cravings, you will have to own a license to buy cigarettes. What’s next? A license to have sex?